Saturday, February 1, 2014

Hair’s the deal…



How in the world do I fit into a few mere paragraphs all the things that I am feeling?
How can I string together the right words in order to convey the feelings, the emotions, and thoughts that fill my weary mind, and yet leave enough room for you to join in the conversation here…and why is that important?
It’s important to express myself, but to communicate, really communicate…it goes both ways!
So here in this post I will be very candid with you.
And please forgive me for not keeping the promise that this blog would not turn into a blog about cancer…It is still about my walk with Jesus…but I am walking this particular path just now…so it must be for a reason.
This cancer is not all about me. It affects everyone whom I know, and anyone whom I may encounter. It affects the person standing in line behind me at the checkout, or seated at the table next to mine at the restaurant…If they can tell that I am sick…in chemo…then they are suddenly forced to think about it. They are momentarily faced with the possibility that it could be them instead.…to steal away even a moment of their peace in order to think about What if?...fills my heart with dread. 
I remember speaking with my sister on the phone shortly after diagnosis…I will never forget how her voice got very low, and I caught a slight catch in it when she asked me what the lump felt like. It was fear that caused her to ask the question…and she wasn’t the last woman that I talked to who asked it…each one with the same catch in their voice…almost whispering the question as though I had an answer that they needed…but dreaded to hear. They were thinking “What if I get it?”
I can’t help but to play in my mind over and over the few scenarios in the past where I encountered a cancer patient…A neighbor, a woman in the hospital waiting room, or walking through Wal-mart…My eyes would catch hers for a moment…and I would wonder: What if it were me? The thought would not be allowed to linger for long inside my mind…It didn’t fit there…not at the time.

This week I plan to walk through yet another door leading into a new room once more.
The Lord has equipped this room with the essential tools that I will need.

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Once the door closes I shall emerge without my crowning glory…I will cry, and probably laugh.
Losing my hair is not really about vanity…But more about identity.…The transition from just a simple everyday woman into the image of a cancer patient daunts me…But I must proceed forward…Always forward.
I have packed away the brushes and put away the hair dryer and curling iron, and shampoo, reminiscent of the days before the surgery when I tearfully packed away all my bras…forever.
At least these hair items are to be stored only temporarily.
This feels like my right to passage…Something that I can do to take some control over this crazy disease.
This disease has stolen from me…but it has not won. It will never be called MY cancer…it does not belong to me…I claim no ownership of it….and God never placed it in my body…so it is not a part of me!
So I will decide when the hair goes…I will decide what to wear to cover my head, and when not to cover my head…But I refuse to carry a banner that fills people with fear when they encounter me.
Instead I will carry the banner of a child of the Living God…A banner raised high that reminds all who see that we are ALIVE in CHRIST…and that God goes before us….And I am dedicating my head covering to the one who wears the crown of glory!

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I will remember as I wear it, that this is just one more gift of grace.
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The ‘Jerusalem’ style head covering

Please pray for me specifically this Wednesday...as I take the next step.

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are...
~Never Forsaken~

13 comments:

Brenda said...

I will pray for you Lisa,
and always remember that the Lord is well able to bring you through this, the Lord has plans to prosper you, not to harm you. No it is not 'your cancer', it is an intruder that will be removed, and I would say that you would look beautiful - hair or no hair. When hair goes because of treatment for cancer it usually grows back even better than it was before.
God bless you and keep you in His perfect peace.

Susie Swanson said...

I'm still praying for you. You are a very strong person, just continue to lean on him. Hair or no hair you are so beautiful inside and out. God Bless You my sweet friend.

Deanna said...

"This disease has stolen from me…but it has not won. It will never be called MY cancer…it does not belong to me…I claim no ownership of it….and God never placed it in my body…so it is not a part of me!" -your words,
I promise you that I don't just say that keep you in my prayers- I do. and I will add this statement into my prayer for you too, because it is true and I will ask God to encourage you on the days that doubt might be.
Blessings & Love! Deanna

samantha said...

PLEASE EVERYONE PRAY for my mom (Lisa) she has asked me to let all who read her story know she went to the ER and has been admitted for a couple days due to low white blood cells. She went in with a fever and chills. She has asked me to ask all of you to pray and please please do! She needs strength and support as she battles.

Denise said...

Praying for you always, love you very much.

Reformed rebel said...

Samantha ~ Please let Lisa, your Mom, know that I am praying. And please, keep us updated as to how she is doing. Praying for you and the rest of the family as well.
Blessings, prayers and love....Chelle

Denise said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers daily Lisa; this is a beautiful post from a strong and courageous woman...a woman of faith and inspiration. You are such a sweet blessing to everyone who reads this dear friend...thank you Samantha for the update; sending prayers to you too!
Much Love, Denise

Jedidja said...

Thanks Samantha: I'll shall pray for her and the whole family. Stay strong.

Jedidja said...

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamps against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident."



-Psalm 27: 1, 3

Reformed rebel said...

This blog is so much about your walk with Jesus. Right now this is the journey you are on and we know you are on it with Jesus walking right beside you...even carrying you at times. This is not your cancer it is an evil thing. You are fighting back against it with all you've got and by sharing we all know how to pray. Thank you for being so open about it all.
Praying and praying for you my friend....Chelle

Maria said...

Hair is just part of our bodies, so yes, it will be missed. But once this is all over, new beauty will emerge... m.

Crown of Beauty said...

Lisa, this is another beautiful post. Thank you for making effort to share your heart. Your friends are listening. I am praying for you and keeping you close. God is your refuge, strength and healer. He is an ever present help in trouble. He gives you a door of hope in your present circumstances.

child of God said...

No, my friend, this is not your cancer but just plain ol cancer. Covering you as you make this next step on Wednesday. I will be wearing a head wrap for you and will be on my knees in intercession.

(((Hugs)))
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So do not fear,  for I am with you;      do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen  you and help  you;      I will uphold ...