I remember this time last year. Deep in the white stuff, and sick of winter already, I was scanning the internet looking for images of the brightest flowers I could find. Well, here we are again…only this time it seems like we are so frozen that it will take a year to thaw out, and it’s not even February yet!
Sasha and Jeff on the trail last March 2013
One positive thing about this time of year at our house, is that the inside of the house is much brighter than in the rest of the seasons…I so want to get some more indoor plants…if only I could find the kind that I can’t kill….Should I at least try…sacrifice some tender young plants in the attempt to finally develop a green thumb?
Buddy on the trail summer 2013
I am wanting so badly to go outside, the dogs and I, but it is just too cold. The winter sun shines deceptively, but it is barely above zero as I write this.
I worry about the drain in energy that is to come as the next few months progress with treatment…The doc warns that it (the energy drain) will be cumulative with each one. If all goes well, I will be finished with the chemo in May…Just in time to get out there and soak up some fresh air…Though I will still be dealing with the after effects for months to come…(They say about a year from start of treatment).
I am told that I must prioritize what is most important to spend my energy on…I do not believe I have ever been told that before…It makes me think, really makes me think.
As wives and moms, we become skilled at multi- tasking; going through the lists of things to do each day, knowing that we may or may not be able to fill that list by the end of the day, so we do what needs done first…and then we do what we enjoy if we get the time…Well, so there-in lies my conundrum!
I am learning that this cancer journey is just as much, if not more of a mental challenge than it is a physical one lately…You see, although the body has so many needs, and so many new rules to follow…my mind just wants to focus on the important things in life…things that make me happy, and joyful, things that before now only seemed pleasant and good…now they are as important to me as breathing…Things like walking the dogs with my husband, feeding the birds, talking with a friend over coffee, going to a restaurant with my family…Watching my grandkids playing outside…All these things remind me of what life is all about!
So, I don’t want to spend my energy on vacuuming the floors, or putting everything away neatly as soon as things get a bit messy, etc.…I want to spend the little energy I have on living….cuddling with my husband and dogs, talking on the phone with my kids, and maybe taking a short walk in the sunshine.(As soon as it is warmer).
I will get some green plants and place them throughout the house…and not worry about their eventual, possible deaths…Yes, I will choose to focus on life more now!
Priorities can change and sometimes they just need to.
I guess the best way to describe the way I feel right now is in the words of a dear friend: “Whether we walk barefoot through the water, or hang our feet over the dock…or just sit and watch from the truck…It’s the presence of Jesus that makes it good.”
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Prov. 17:22
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2 –4
So, tell me…If you were asked to choose, what would you do today?