My Cancer Blog

Thursday, May 29, 2014

My husband and the fawn...

Thought everyone might get a kick out of this...Jeff called me from work early this morning. There was a little fawn not much bigger than what our Emma was, and it would not leave him alone...its Mama was in the woods, but the youngster came up to him and sniffed his nose. and then proceeded to sniff out every inch of the grader and then curled up right behind the big front tire. Jeff turned the grader on hoping it might scare the little guy away, but it just jumped up and walked up to the cab and looked at Jeff.

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BTW: My husband is allergic to deer hide! If he touches it, he'll blow up like a balloon...I asked him about the deer sniffing his nose, and Jeff said so far no allergic reaction.
So...now, my Jeff cannot grade the road unless he puts the fawn inside the grader with him and risks a reaction to its hide...or he calls his boss to come out and hang onto the little fawn until he is finished grading....I told him to use his gloves, and carry the fawn into the woods with near where he saw Mama...He said he tried that, but it just followed him back out to the grader!
Is this adorable or what?  

UPDATE:
Mama bleated and the baby ran to her, but then a few hours later Jeff saw a van stop and pick the fawn up and take it so he called the DNR and reported it (this is illegal to do)...The two people in the van knew the fawn had a Mama since she was there.
He said the doe kept running back out by the road looking for its baby for the rest of the day.
Jeff even seen the van pull into a driveway and leave, so he went to the front door and spoke with the lady inside and told her what the people in the van did, and told her it was illegal. He then asked if she would call the woman who was driving the van, and the lady said she would be in class by the time she called (so she refused to call her)...So then he asked if she also knew the man who was the passenger, and when she said she did, he asked if she would call him then, and the woman told him that the man could barely use a phone...In other words...she wasn't going to call him. So Jeff decided to report them.
BTW: the woman Jeff spoke with gave the woman who took the fawn a large box.
I just don't get people!
I would not be so angry if they had picked it up thinking they were saving it, but they saw the mama right there...and it is a dead end road with only 3 houses on it!   :scare3:
Well, the DNR officer said he would call back when he located the fawn.
Hopefully the doe and her fawn will be reunited soon.

Have a wonderful weekend ~Blessings & Love~ Lisa

Monday, May 19, 2014

Write…

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(written May 15, 2014)
This morning I awoke to a word…whether uttered aloud or left over from a dream…I know not.
The word was simply…Write.
My first thought was…Oh good…this is the direction I have been asking God to show me.
The next, more of a reaction, a feeling, was: Oh great…I am not capable…not right now!
I attribute that reaction to the thought process that has been weaving through my mind as of late.
Thoughts placed into the soil of my mind…unintentionally by others, and watered by myself.
Thoughts such as: You are suffering from chemo-brain…or chemo-fog. Don’t expect to be able to function very well cognitively for awhile…or forever for that matter.
or…
You are not well educated…people will read what you write and laugh, or kindly overlook your grammatical errors while inwardly cringing at every long, run-on sentence!
What you have to say/ your life is simply not interesting enough…useful only for a sleep-aid for those suffering from insomnia.
And then there’s this rule that I read about blogging when I first began…Keep it short…readers prefer short posts and will usually wander away halfway through a long one…This fits nicely with the above statement, by the way.
The problem is…I am not short in stature nor am I short in words…It takes me awhile to make my point…(It’s an introvert thing)…To us introverts, there is no getting from point A to point B directly…We are wired to follow a different route, one which almost always includes a point C and D as well…creating a few little side roads along the way…It can be hard for some extroverts to follow along sometimes!
Which brings me to the next car in this train of thought…I am an introvert…I need my privacy, I shouldn’t write about anything personal!
And the final car in this train of thought…the caboose that pushes the whole thing forward…
Guilt….You could be doing so many more productive things with your time…Instead of sitting on your rear-end tapping away at a keyboard for hours!
Now that I have listed most of the excuses for not writing…I feel led to address them all one by one…So here goes an attempt to do just that…

1. Chemo-brain (foggy thinking and short-term memory loss)…
Just like when we  have to physically travel through fog…We must remember to do so slowly and carefully gauging the distance and direction that we are moving in…Taking it slow requires more patience, and moving ahead requires a dimmer light that focuses on a few feet of the road immediately ahead of us…The operative word here is ‘focus’. Shining a bright light far into the distance only results in a reflective wall of light obstructing the road ahead…Take it one day at a time. Keeping your eye on one goal: A distant light or marker to aim for…The Word of God is referred to as a lantern unto my feet, and Jesus is often compared to a lighthouse.
So, it will take patience and daily guidance from the Word of God to travel through the fog inside my brain. But the light from the Lighthouse will never grow dark, and the lantern will illuminate the path upon which my feet are set.
2. Lack of education…Well, this should be short…With today’s technology, we have many tools available to those of us who are grammatically or intellectually challenged, Thanks to the internet we can learn more about any given subject…the internet and auto-correct are our friends! (If used with care)…LOL!
3. I’m too boring…Well, although this is true, I have personally found that I really enjoy reading about simple everyday people myself…I relate better to them because most of us do not live very exciting or adventurous lives…besides, there are plenty of books and articles available to read already that feature stimulating story lines and characters whether fictional or not. I also believe that our lives in whatever state or stage we exist in, are to be celebrated and honored… and chronicling our time spent here on planet earth is a noble way to do this…and I am not alone in this belief…just look at how many blogs there are!
4. Keep it short…. I woke up hearing the word ‘Write’…not ‘Edit’. Ultimately I need to simply write even if just for myself…My goal is not to get published or recognized for writing…It is going to be therapy for me…and if it entertains or touches someone along the way, then that is just a bonus…I can always use the ‘page break’ feature on my posts in order to give the reader the choice whether or not to read more.
5. I’m an introvert who needs her privacy…What I choose to write about and publish on here will always remain God-honoring, and respectful of my family and friends as well as myself…We all have a boundary line, and I will remain prayerfully aware of mine. If what I write crosses someone else’s boundary, I’ll trust that they understand that they are ultimately responsible for what they choose to read about here or anywhere…We cannot possibly know each person’s individual sensitivities. Real life is not always pretty, and I intend to write about real life as I experience it.
6. Guilt…Well, if there’s one thing that will keep me from pursuing something it is the fear of wasting precious time…But, if there’s one thing I have learned in recent months it is…Yes, life is short, and time limited…but being true to God and to yourself, is one thing that you will not look back on and regret when you are on your deathbed…Of course things need to get done, and they will…I hope that someday my children and grandchildren may wish to read what I have written on here a long time ago, but I am certain they will not remember whether or not the dishes got done by 10:am Thursday morning May 15th, 2014!
So much for letting all these excuses stop me from following a new direction in writing…This has been something I’ve wanted to do for a long long time, but always allowed the excuses to get in the way.
If you are observant, you will notice that the date I published this, and the date I wrote all but this part of it, are different…That is because I had decided to give in to some of those excuses listed above after all, and then by pure chance I read a random comment left by one of my dearest blogging friends…and at the risk of being a bit of a narcissist…I am copying what she wrote here, because I believe that God uses people to help get his point across to us, especially when we decide not to listen to him the first time he speaks even directly to us…Here is what she wrote:

DelisaApril 10, 2014 at 10:46 PM
Hi Lisa, I hope you are having a restful evening! Thank you for your comment tonight on my blog. When I was originally writing the post, I was struggling to find just the right words and I felt like I wasn't getting it quite right.
What you said about "not having a point of reference" and the "feeling of being thrown into the deep end not knowing that you knew how to swim", were just perfect. Your comments are always an encouragement, and a big help to me. You have a way sometimes of playing back my words as how you understand them or interpret them to be and that is so helpful from a writer's point of view. It is important to me as I work on this book project that I am to be understood. In your writing you have a beautiful way of crystalizing points and using few words to get to the heart of a matter. I so admire writers who have a natural ability to do that. I also love the new background picture on your blog. Sleep well and pleasant dreams! With Love, Delisa :)

This encouraging comment from one writer to another, was just the push that I needed to start hitting the keyboard once again…despite the fact that with chemo induced peripheral neuropathy, I am having trouble hitting all the correct keys…hey, who rearranged them anyway? (LOL!)

Delisa’s  comments are always encouraging…Isn’t that what we are supposed to do for one another…as it is written:
Proverbs 27:17 Contemporary English Version (CEV)
 Just as iron sharpens iron,
friends sharpen the minds
of each other.


~I especially liked that translation of the scripture…since my foggy mind can certainly use a little sharpening these days…Thanks to Delisa and my other blog friends, and Thanks to the Lord for making our paths meet here in blog-land…and of course thanks to those of you whom know me face to face… with your encouragement throughout the years.




I have been writing here and there, and will try to publish what I have written…but, be forewarned it is not all pink ribbons and sunshine…real life, with or without breast cancer seldom is….But, no matter what any of us are going through today, it is not all for nothing, as we have this encouragement from the Word of God:

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.  The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.
(Psalm 119:71-74)

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are…
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Gifts from my children…

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I just wanted to show and tell these beautiful gifts that my children have surprised me with recently...
Sam made this precious scrapbook full of encouragement and family fun times.
And yesterday, Sarah had this beautiful bouquet delivered to me...I wish you could smell its lovely fragrance!
The little plaque is from Ginny and it reads:
Dearest Mother..
The stable, loving home you raised me in
made me what I am today.
I really don't know what I'd do
without you. You are the sweetest,
most special woman in my life.
I may not always tell you just how
much you mean to me,
but you are the one I love,
more and more each day.

And a letter received from my oldest granddaughter Alyssa


There definitely seems to be a purple theme happening here!

What a blessing family is.

And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children; and said, Who [are] those with thee? And he said, The children which God hath graciously given thy servant.
Gen.33:5

Monday, May 12, 2014

Another Door Closes

Mother's Day 2014
In the middle of 'Nowhere'!


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Since the beginning of the journey through cancer, I have been using the analogy of travelling through different rooms for each aspect of treatment, from the initial biopsy, official diagnosis, surgery, and treatment.
I am very pleased to finally announce that the door to this room (chemotherapy) has been tightly closed!
I had a talk with my oncologist who reassured me that there is no reason to worry about ever having to re-open this particular door ever again.
I cannot express enough, the gratitude for the love and prayers that poured out from you all... There aren't adequate words for how I feel.
I am still undergoing the targeted therapy that will continue for the remainder of the year...but the word "Chemotherapy" does not apply to this type of therapy. This therapy has an interesting back story to it...In fact, there was a book written and then a lifetime movie made about the doctor who first developed the breast cancer drug Herceptin. This life-saving drug has saved many lives in recent years. Mine included.

So, what's next?  Wow...That is the question. First, I must take time to recover and gain my strength back...and just take life one day at a time. I am still learning how to do this....It is surprising how good it feels to make a plan not to make any big plans! The pressure is off. I learned enough through these past few months to know that big plans belong to God anyway and not me....I will wait and see what He has in store for me now. For today...Well, so far I am up and out of bed...enjoying my coffee while listening to the rain fall and to Sasha snoring. I feel pretty good today. I do love a rainy day!
 I am grateful for what I have learned through this experience, and hope never to lose sight of these life lessons...But, I am so very ready to move forward once again into the next room awaiting me...ABUNDANT LIFE!
What profound wisdom do I now have...if any to share with you?
The thief came...he took, he destroyed...He tried to kill...BUT, it is Jesus who ultimately restores, rebuilds, and gives life.....This is the profound wisdom that I have to share with you today.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10

And that is as good as it gets...An abundant life given freely through the GRACE of Jesus Christ!



Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Lord, help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.... From the song 'One day at a Time' by Cristy Lane


~BLESSINGS & LOVE~
and remember, we are....

~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Monday, May 5, 2014

Last Chemo…My thoughts and fears…

I really haven’t felt much like writing lately. I am in a sort of funk…I am probably depressed.
I went on the American Cancer Society’s website today and read that depression and fear are very common at this stage of cancer treatment…I am so glad I found this out, because I have actually been feeling guilty about the way I feel…which only made matters worse.
When chemotherapy ends you are very very relieved to be done with that part of treatment, it is not an easy thing to go through, and you are very anxious to move past it and be rid of the side effects that linger…Just the thought of getting your hair back is enough to boost your spirits!…but…
Chemotherapy, nasty as it is, gives you a certain sense of security in knowing that as long as you have these drugs inside your body actively killing any potentially unseen cancer cells, then the one thing you do not have to think or worry about is the cancer progressing or recurring…or even a new primary cancer developing while undergoing therapy.
Also, while you are going through so much in active cancer treatment you tend to become so very focused on getting through the current treatment, that you develop a sort of tunnel vision…There is no time or energy left to think about what comes next.
During each phase of this journey I think I have done a good job of boosting not only my own moral about this whole thing, but I have encouraged everyone in my life that it will all be OK…and because of my strong faith in God…I really do believe that…No matter what happens with me, it will all be OK….but, (I know another ‘but’- sorry about that…) I think perhaps my always saying that I am Ok, doing well, etc.… sometimes paints the wrong picture…conveys the wrong message to people with or without cancer…Some of you may have this disease, or some of you may become or are care takers of someone with the disease…So you already know what the truth is…Cancer really sucks, it is very serious and there is no cure for it. Although some cancers do not come back…most of them can and sometimes they do…even if they are caught relatively early. Saying that they won’t come back is not a very realistic or even healthy thing to do., and it may hinder a person’s ability to handle it if it does return…and the person may lose their support from friends and family if it comes back because, after all…you said it would not, and many believed you…and nobody considered that if it did, you may need help…friendship and support for your family in terms of emotional and other help and understanding.
So, while we all hope and pray that the surgery and chemo that I have gone through has been successful in ridding my body of cancer once and for all…I want you all to know that the next phase of this journey will be challenging for me mentally. The specter of death will loom over me for the rest of my life now, and though I cannot dwell on that…it will be a very real thing to deal with. I thank the Lord, that death to a Christian has no more sting, and the grave does not keep us imprisoned because of what Jesus did for us on the cross…and therefore I really can say that…No matter what happens in my future…it really will turn out to be OK…But, it will not be an easy road all the time. But then again…isn't that the truth for all of us?
 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57

One thing that has helped me with the depression lately is taking photos…so, I want to share some random pictures I have taken recently with you…All I ask is that if you want to copy them for yourself, please give credit to me for taking them…I don’t want to worry about where they may end up, but I also don’t want to avoid sharing them if they make you happy!
(click on images for larger view)
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 Please pray for my friend Naomi...I asked for prayer for Naomi before when she underwent surgery for a brain aneurysm...she still has two inoperable brain aneurysms, and last week her little service dog died suddenly...She is severely depressed and talking about not going on...She's only 47 and does not have family, and her dog was her baby....So she needs all the prayer and support she can get right now! 

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are…
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUD!

HAPPY 8TH B-DAY, BUD! I think he's had too many birthday cookies already today!