My Cancer Blog

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Making lists

Busy beaver. Reedsburg Dam 2015

I've always been a list maker. It helps me organise my thoughts, and sometimes it's the only way I can feel calm. lately there's been more than usual on my mind.  Like all human beings, I have a lot of things to process through and to accomplish each day. As a person with a terminal illness I also have a ticking clock constantly sounding in my head now..Maybe we all  have that sense that we are limited (time-wise) here on planet earth..but trust me, my clock is ticking much louder than it used to.

I lost a friend and dear brother in Christ to cancer just last week. We both had our radiation treatments at the same time nearly every day in April this year..The last time we spoke he told me that they were sending him home to die, and that they said he had four months to a year left. he died less than two weeks later. As you can imagine..this really shook me. As a stage four cancer patient myself, this really shook me.
As of today, and as far as we know..The cancer that I've been battling is now in remission. Of course, we can only know that from one scan to another. My next scan is in August.
One of the best conversations I had with my friend Chris was in church a little more than a year ago when he found out his cancer had returned..I remember telling him that whether the Lord chose to heal him here or take him home..either way it was the Lord's will, and either way he will be healed. The last months of his life, the cancer had put him into a wheelchair with a head brace because the disease had spread from his spine into his brain.
But as my husband said: "Chris is standing tall now."

The loss of my friend also makes that inner time-clock tick even faster and louder now..and the lists of things I need to do become more urgent. This is stressing me out and it's not good to be too stressed when you have cancer cells in your body!
So I have decided to try and just write about it here on my blog.

Some things I am stressing about:
1. Church - We do not feel at home there.(for reasons I cannot write about here) Jeff won't go with me anymore.
I have formed some really close friendships with many of the ladies there.. some even since my children were little! I don't have the time or energy to start all over again. It also is not easy or safe for me to go alone.
2. Lost friendships since cancer diagnosis. Some people cannot deal with it so they disappear.
3. Lost family relationships.
4. It's getting too hard with Jeff's RA and my illness/weakness to maintain this large wooded yard.
5. My camera has been broken for several months now..I don't know if I can get it fixed. I miss taking photos, but I'm blessed to have my cell phone to take photos with.
I already have so many photos saved on my computer that it has been taking me hours at a time to sort through them, and I am not finished doing that yet! Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.
6. Will I have the time and energy to be able to spend time doing things with my loved ones?
I am such a homebody. I cannot change this just because I am terminally ill..In fact, my illness has weakened me to the point of exhaustion some days. 

*I turned off comments for this post because I'm not looking for answers to or ideas about how to deal with the items on this list..I'm just venting in order to get them out of my head if possible. Please try to understand.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Feelin' kinda squirrelly!

A doodle I made a couple years ago
So, I've been staying offline lately.
The reason is because I've just simply felt so overwhelmed.
I recently started posting again on facebook, but not nearly as much as I thought I would..I get too distracted, and then before I know it the whole day is gone!
I have started so many different blogs in recent years, so many in fact, that I've forgotten about some of them.
It used to be that I only had this one blog, and I was busy happily posting here quite regularly..even had quite a few blogging friends with whom I enjoyed communicating with online. 
(Many have also left the blogging world in favor of FB, or for other reasons.)
So what happened?
Just like the funny little squirrels and chipmunks in my yard, I have hidden away too many nuts in too many places and as I am, by nature, a bit of a scatter-brain anyway, I am now needing to decide which medium I am going to post on..this blog, or another blog? Facebook? Soooo many choices!
Before I completely lose what's left of my mind, and end up cutting myself off from everyone online completely, I must make a decision..and therefore I've decided that this blog is the most enjoyable and (easiest for me) to use.
With the Lord's help and extra grace given to me, I hope to continue on with blogger from here on.
~Blessings & Love~

Daily Blessings

A gift from an 'old' friend given a few years ago..I just filled it with the most fragrant blossoms from the yard this morning! {Thinking of you, Deb } 

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

A 'BEARY' Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

This was the card I made for Jeff..

And this is the card I woke up to this morning!..

I guess it's true, when you've been together for a long time..You are almost the same person!

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Thursday, November 23, 2017


To all who celebrate it today..

Blessings & Love..
and always remember,
we are...


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Happy? But..I have cancer!

    Are you happy?

Before you jump to an answer for this age-old question..let me ask something else first:

Are you angry?
Are you sad?
Are you fearful..confused?

Ok, so that last one, maybe you are confused by now? That's Ok..I'll try to fix that, lol :)

Let's start with a definition for happiness:

(According to Merriam-Webster)

Definition of happiness

1obsolete :good fortune :prosperity
  • all happiness bechance to thee
  •  —William Shakespeare

2a :a state of well-being and contentment :joy
b :a pleasurable or satisfying experience 
  • I wish you every happiness in life.

So according to this definition, happiness is a state of  well-being.
contentment, and a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

What this says to me is:

a. It is temporary. Since you will not always find yourself in a state of well-being, nor can one possibly always have pleasurable or satisfying experiences..then happiness is not a static or unchanging state of being..just as angry, sad, fearful..etc..are not permanent states of being..Thank God!

b. Happy cannot be used to define you, or your life..happiness is better defined as a moment, or moments of our life experiences...and not what we are.

c. Happiness is subject to experiences, emotions, a feeling of well-being, and as such it cannot drive the human experience in order to negate any experiences or emotions or other temporary states of being. In other words, it is driven by these things and cannot change the fact that we will indeed suffer periods of fear, anger, discomfort, or other circumstances that would cause us to be anything but happy! It is driven..does not always drive us.

So, what does the Bible have to say about happiness?
Actually, the words for happiness may be: JOY, CHEERFUL, CONTENT, 
*For the sake of this essay, and as far as the above definition is concerned, the word JOY is the best way to describe true Christian happiness, as you shall see below.

Here are only a few of many examples from scripture:

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.
 James 5:13
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds
James 1:2

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
 Gal. 5:22-23

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
Phil. 4:4

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
Ps. 30:12

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
John 15:9-11
There are many who say, “Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!” You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.
Ps. 4:6-7
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Ps. 16:11
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
1Tim. 6:6-11
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

True Christian happiness, or joy!

Ok, so after reading these scriptures, do you see a certain pattern emerging?
Unlike the first definition of happiness, specifically in relation to its dependance on a certain experience or state of well-being, or pleasure..The joy in these scriptures, contentment and even NOT dependant on any outward circumstance..This state of being is in a static (non-changing) attitude of happiness and is dependant solely on our relationship, our trust, our rejoicing in THE LORD!
It defies our circumstances!

Blessings & Love,
And always remember,
We are..
~Never Forsaken~

Making lists

Busy beaver. Reedsburg Dam 2015 I've always been a list maker. It helps me organise my thoughts, and sometimes it's the only ...