The past two weeks have been rather uneventful. Aside from two visits back to the surgeon to have a seroma drained, there has not been much happening around here.
But, with the peace and quiet came time to think...and with that came quite a few rough hours. I am not alone, even when it seems like I am. Jesus sits quietly nearby, allowing me this time to ask questions, voice fears, and sometimes just cry. But before too long I sense His nearness as He reminds me that it is only but a season...This year of grace is not only a fight for my life, but it is a time of deep gratitude and learning...Learning how to believe like a child again...Laugh, love and yes, sometimes cry like a child again...unhindered by my own sense of being capable...Because I am not...at least not without His strength, and His grace.
|Sasha hugging my teddy bear|
|Buddy wrapped up in my blanket|
And so here I am once again standing before a door....reaching for the knob, knowing that I must go into this room...for a little while.
I am not alone...My Father knows what I have need of and He will supply it in due time...and in abundance.
Prayers are needed as I spend the next couple of days going through more tests, and having an outpatient surgical procedure done to place the port into my artery so that I can safely get the infusions.
Prescriptions are being filled for premeds, and also for a shot that will be given the day after each treatment to help boost my white cells. Most people say this shot can be the worst part of treatment...(Although it is not chemo) It can cause severe bone pain. I will be depending on more medication to help control that. I want to get the shot at the hospital where I receive my treatments, but we may have to go elsewhere for it (Insurance will decide). I do not want to go into any clinics because of the exposure to illnesses while my immune system is not strong...Please pray this will be worked out very soon as I will be starting chemo Friday morning.
We will need to travel 50 miles to the hospital for treatment. And then again the following day for this shot. (unless I get it nearby).
Another thing I have not been saying much about lately....
Just because my life literally depends upon my leaving my home now, the anxiety issue did not just suddenly go away...It is still very difficult. I am still dealing with the severe anxiety every time I have an appointment. Even though once I arrive at my destination I am perfectly fine, and even enjoy talking with the doctors, nurses, and receptionists that are on staff there! They are some of the warmest and friendliest people I have met. I guess you have to be to work in that field. .
I have been praying for years about the anxiety...and I am asking for you to pray with me now.
On a lighter note...
I am also going wig shopping again after my tests tomorrow. I have a free one waiting for me at a local salon, and a bunch of stuff to choose from (including yet another wig!) at the American Cancer Society in the city where I get treatment....I hope to find time to be able to go there before the hair comes out (Actually, I am shaving it before it does!) You have to take control wherever you can when it comes to this disease. They tell me that will happen before the second treatment...sometime between 14-21 days...the average is day 17 after the first treatment...So I will have to get ready.
I am all geared up and ready to go!
Here are a couple of good battle scriptures to get me started...
The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has chosen me. He has commissioned me to encourage the poor, to help the brokenhearted, to decree the release of captives, and the freeing of prisoners, to announce the year when the Lord will show his favor, the day when our God will seek vengeance, to console all who mourn (Isaiah 61:1-2).
Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, he likewise shared in their humanity, so that through death he could destroy the one who holds the power of death (that is, the devil), and set free those who were held in slavery all their lives by their fear of death. For surely his concern is not for angels, but he is concerned for Abraham’s descendants. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers and sisters in every respect, so that he could become a merciful and faithful high priest in things relating to God, to make atonement for the sins of the people. For since he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted (Hebrews 2:14-18).
|We could learn a lot from this dog!|
and remember, we are...