I went on the American Cancer Society’s website today and read that depression and fear are very common at this stage of cancer treatment…I am so glad I found this out, because I have actually been feeling guilty about the way I feel…which only made matters worse.
When chemotherapy ends you are very very relieved to be done with that part of treatment, it is not an easy thing to go through, and you are very anxious to move past it and be rid of the side effects that linger…Just the thought of getting your hair back is enough to boost your spirits!…but…
Chemotherapy, nasty as it is, gives you a certain sense of security in knowing that as long as you have these drugs inside your body actively killing any potentially unseen cancer cells, then the one thing you do not have to think or worry about is the cancer progressing or recurring…or even a new primary cancer developing while undergoing therapy.
Also, while you are going through so much in active cancer treatment you tend to become so very focused on getting through the current treatment, that you develop a sort of tunnel vision…There is no time or energy left to think about what comes next.
During each phase of this journey I think I have done a good job of boosting not only my own moral about this whole thing, but I have encouraged everyone in my life that it will all be OK…and because of my strong faith in God…I really do believe that…No matter what happens with me, it will all be OK….but, (I know another ‘but’- sorry about that…) I think perhaps my always saying that I am Ok, doing well, etc.… sometimes paints the wrong picture…conveys the wrong message to people with or without cancer…Some of you may have this disease, or some of you may become or are care takers of someone with the disease…So you already know what the truth is…Cancer really sucks, it is very serious and there is no cure for it. Although some cancers do not come back…most of them can and sometimes they do…even if they are caught relatively early. Saying that they won’t come back is not a very realistic or even healthy thing to do., and it may hinder a person’s ability to handle it if it does return…and the person may lose their support from friends and family if it comes back because, after all…you said it would not, and many believed you…and nobody considered that if it did, you may need help…friendship and support for your family in terms of emotional and other help and understanding.
So, while we all hope and pray that the surgery and chemo that I have gone through has been successful in ridding my body of cancer once and for all…I want you all to know that the next phase of this journey will be challenging for me mentally. The specter of death will loom over me for the rest of my life now, and though I cannot dwell on that…it will be a very real thing to deal with. I thank the Lord, that death to a Christian has no more sting, and the grave does not keep us imprisoned because of what Jesus did for us on the cross…and therefore I really can say that…No matter what happens in my future…it really will turn out to be OK…But, it will not be an easy road all the time. But then again…isn't that the truth for all of us?
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.1 Corinthians 15:55-57
One thing that has helped me with the depression lately is taking photos…so, I want to share some random pictures I have taken recently with you…All I ask is that if you want to copy them for yourself, please give credit to me for taking them…I don’t want to worry about where they may end up, but I also don’t want to avoid sharing them if they make you happy!
(click on images for larger view)
Please pray for my friend Naomi...I asked for prayer for Naomi before when she underwent surgery for a brain aneurysm...she still has two inoperable brain aneurysms, and last week her little service dog died suddenly...She is severely depressed and talking about not going on...She's only 47 and does not have family, and her dog was her baby....So she needs all the prayer and support she can get right now!
~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are…