My Cancer Blog

Monday, May 5, 2014

Last Chemo…My thoughts and fears…

I really haven’t felt much like writing lately. I am in a sort of funk…I am probably depressed.
I went on the American Cancer Society’s website today and read that depression and fear are very common at this stage of cancer treatment…I am so glad I found this out, because I have actually been feeling guilty about the way I feel…which only made matters worse.
When chemotherapy ends you are very very relieved to be done with that part of treatment, it is not an easy thing to go through, and you are very anxious to move past it and be rid of the side effects that linger…Just the thought of getting your hair back is enough to boost your spirits!…but…
Chemotherapy, nasty as it is, gives you a certain sense of security in knowing that as long as you have these drugs inside your body actively killing any potentially unseen cancer cells, then the one thing you do not have to think or worry about is the cancer progressing or recurring…or even a new primary cancer developing while undergoing therapy.
Also, while you are going through so much in active cancer treatment you tend to become so very focused on getting through the current treatment, that you develop a sort of tunnel vision…There is no time or energy left to think about what comes next.
During each phase of this journey I think I have done a good job of boosting not only my own moral about this whole thing, but I have encouraged everyone in my life that it will all be OK…and because of my strong faith in God…I really do believe that…No matter what happens with me, it will all be OK….but, (I know another ‘but’- sorry about that…) I think perhaps my always saying that I am Ok, doing well, etc.… sometimes paints the wrong picture…conveys the wrong message to people with or without cancer…Some of you may have this disease, or some of you may become or are care takers of someone with the disease…So you already know what the truth is…Cancer really sucks, it is very serious and there is no cure for it. Although some cancers do not come back…most of them can and sometimes they do…even if they are caught relatively early. Saying that they won’t come back is not a very realistic or even healthy thing to do., and it may hinder a person’s ability to handle it if it does return…and the person may lose their support from friends and family if it comes back because, after all…you said it would not, and many believed you…and nobody considered that if it did, you may need help…friendship and support for your family in terms of emotional and other help and understanding.
So, while we all hope and pray that the surgery and chemo that I have gone through has been successful in ridding my body of cancer once and for all…I want you all to know that the next phase of this journey will be challenging for me mentally. The specter of death will loom over me for the rest of my life now, and though I cannot dwell on that…it will be a very real thing to deal with. I thank the Lord, that death to a Christian has no more sting, and the grave does not keep us imprisoned because of what Jesus did for us on the cross…and therefore I really can say that…No matter what happens in my future…it really will turn out to be OK…But, it will not be an easy road all the time. But then again…isn't that the truth for all of us?
 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57

One thing that has helped me with the depression lately is taking photos…so, I want to share some random pictures I have taken recently with you…All I ask is that if you want to copy them for yourself, please give credit to me for taking them…I don’t want to worry about where they may end up, but I also don’t want to avoid sharing them if they make you happy!
(click on images for larger view)

 Please pray for my friend Naomi...I asked for prayer for Naomi before when she underwent surgery for a brain aneurysm...she still has two inoperable brain aneurysms, and last week her little service dog died suddenly...She is severely depressed and talking about not going on...She's only 47 and does not have family, and her dog was her baby....So she needs all the prayer and support she can get right now! 

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are…


Lisa in Texas = ) said...

Oh Lisa-- I can SO relate to this post. That dark cloud of hearing the cancer diagnosis again is such on over bearing thing at times. I have felt it a lot this past week - I think that is because I have a ct scan tomorrow and there is always fear that we might get bad news. You will be in my prayers. I will also be praying that you guys find a good car and for your friend Naomi - how scary for her to deal with- without a good support system.
May God give you peace and courage for the journey, Lisa :O)

Karen Kyle Ericson said...

Oh Lisa you are good at photography! Nice work : ) Just a few more shots and you'll have the ark! I love shooting animals and flowers. I found some lilacs on the trail yesterday. I'll have to share them. I am so glad the chemo is almost over. I'm a wimp when it comes to pain. So very proud of you. When things like this come the world changes and I wonder if I will ever feel safe again. God will comfort and protect. One day you will experience extreme laughter and joy and it will seem like a foreigner is inside. Fear is human and normal, joy comes like a magic bubble from Heaven.

I'll pray for you and that the doctors will find better treatments. Thank you for being my friend. Love ya! Karen

Never Forsaken said...

Thanks so much for your prayers, Lisa...Right after posting this, I heard back from the insurance...they are going to pay to have it fixed Praise the Lord...we will still have the loaner car until it is fixed!
Naomi does need people lifting her up in prayer right now.. for a person with a life threatening illness survival can depend so much on the will to live.
You know that you have my prayers too for the scan tomorrow!
My oncologist said I did not need scans at this time...probably because I will still be on the Herceptin for a few months...I don't know, but will be asking more questions on Friday.
It really is a scary thing to go through...I have heard that the fear of recurrence lessens with time, but never goes away...So we are at the beginning of that stage right now...We'll need to support one another!
God bless~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

Oh Karen, thanks for the laugh! I do have a lot of animal photos don't I...I also got a crane photo but it did not come out too clear...and Jeff wanted to stop at a farm where there were some llamas...but I couldn't see a good angle to shoot from, so I said no.

I used to not be able to watch when I got a, I am giving them directions on how to best catch and keep my vein...since they are small and roll away...LOL!
It is amazing how the Lord equips us to handle difficult is the anticipation of a thing that is the hardest sometimes.
I do get excited about the last chemo this week...I am also very very grateful that I tolerated it better than I thought I would. They really are making advancements in breast cancer ...just in the last few months, so there is hope for many who may develop it or if it did come back in a few years.
I love lilacs...ours just started budding...I would love to see your photos!
Love you too, my friend~ Lisa

child of God said...

Hi Lisa,
Love the pictures! That new camera of yours is nice.

Last chemo!! Woot!! Praying this cancer is totally gone, never to return and also praying for new advancement in treatments.

Lifting you and Naomi up to our Lord.


Karen Kyle Ericson said...

Ok I'll do something beautiful and flowery next on my blog so we can enjoy some lilacs and plum blossoms. It finally stopped raining here. Err maybe not... gray sky again! I prayed earlier for Naomi. So glad she has you. I find when I'm behind my camera it's like everything disappears and it's just me and what I see. God bless!

Denise said...

Enjoyed the pictures. Praying for you, and your dear friend Naomi. I love you.

Denise said...

I can only imagine the fear sweet Lisa; I'm so glad you find the courage and strength to write about and share with others. Your faith and trust are encouraging to others who are going through similar diseases, but also for us out here praying for you! You are an inspiration! I am so happy this is your last chemo, and praying, praying, praying that it was successful and that your spirits are uplifted in the days to come.

Beautiful pictures~how fun this is for you!
Love you!

Jane said...

Congratulations on making it through chemo, Lisa! Just take it one day at a time, Lisa. It was interesting to read how people are affected by coming to the end of their treatment. I enjoyed your photos. The Earth is being reborn after such a long slumber! Amen!

Never Forsaken said...

Thanks Sweetie, I join you in prayer for advancement in treatment as well as for complete healing for Naomi and I...And of course, I pray for my prayer warriors...strength and continued faith! In Jesus~Amen~

Karen Kyle Ericson said...

Hi Lisa- check out my blog! I put out some photos for you- lilacs and plum blossoms. Enjoy!

dreambear said...

Hope this finds you enjoying the sunset.

dreambear said...

Hello Lisa! That truly is just one mourning dove right? Lol.

dreambear said...

It is me. With five Graces and Twin Glories~

Never Forsaken said...

Thanks Denise...We know that God answers prayer...!
Love you too, my dear sis.

Never Forsaken said...

The love and prayers of my sweet friends are what lifts me....and our Father is faithful to give us an abundance and protects us...What a blessing!
Yes, I had a blast taking these photos...!
Love you too ((hugs))~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

Thanks, Jane...Yes, it does feel like everything is fresh and new after such a long long winter! It was interesting and quite a relief to find out that the way I was feeling is quite normal...I guess it makes sense...But thanks to a call from a good friend yesterday, she helped get my thoughts back on track!

Never Forsaken said...

I will go there now! :)

Never Forsaken said...

Love the sunset...though these trees are in the way...LOL!

Never Forsaken said... that I look at it, it really does look like it has two heads! LOL

Never Forsaken said...

Good name for a blog....hint, hint...
If you need help just call me ;)

dreambear said...

I take your hint and raise you a help card~This game may be as long as some chess games. By the way, I am terrible at chess. Thanks ~

Never Forsaken said...

I never learned terrible trumps knowing nothing!
Let me know when you want to get started. & You're welcome!

Laurie M said...

congratulations, finished chemo!!!! Such wonderful photos, I will keep you and your friend in my prayers, I'm so sorry to hear of her loss, its never easy to lose a pet and by the sound of things she needed that pet now more than ever, take care,

Ken said...

Hi Lisa. I lift you up in prayer and that Jesus brings you complete healing. Your photos are awesome. God bless. Ken

Never Forsaken said...

Hi Laurie,
Thanks for your prayers. Yes, Naomi is having a rough time of it, it is a hard thing for any of us to have to go through..Her service dog was only a couple years old, so she had no time to prepare for her death.
God Bless~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

Thank you Ken, I am so blessed with friends who have made this so much easier...God is so good!
God bless you too~ Lisa

Susie Swanson said...

Yayyy, so glad you've finished it. I've had you on my mind for a long time and praying daily for you sweet friend. Lots of Hugs and Love, xo

Never Forsaken said...

Oh thanks so much, Susie! You are such a sweet friend!
Actually, tomorrow is my last I am almost finished, and getting so excited about that now!
((hugs)) & <3 to you~Lisa

Dee said...

I am so very sorry for your friend and saying prayers for her. I am happy you have finished your chemo...soon you will start to feel much better. each of your photo's are favorite is the turkeys...I love turkeys. Photography is a great way to help with puts your focus on something else...and it is FUN :)

Peggy said...

Praying for you, sweet and brave friend; and for Naomi. Your pics are great. Being in nature is something that always lifts my spirit. I'm glad nature photography is helping you.

Crown of Beauty said...

Beautiful honest post, Lisa. I continue to keep you in my prayers - that you will experience God's presence more so these days than ever before. And praying for Naomi too.


HAPPY 8TH B-DAY, BUD! I think he's had too many birthday cookies already today!