My Cancer Blog

Monday, May 19, 2014


(written May 15, 2014)
This morning I awoke to a word…whether uttered aloud or left over from a dream…I know not.
The word was simply…Write.
My first thought was…Oh good…this is the direction I have been asking God to show me.
The next, more of a reaction, a feeling, was: Oh great…I am not capable…not right now!
I attribute that reaction to the thought process that has been weaving through my mind as of late.
Thoughts placed into the soil of my mind…unintentionally by others, and watered by myself.
Thoughts such as: You are suffering from chemo-brain…or chemo-fog. Don’t expect to be able to function very well cognitively for awhile…or forever for that matter.
You are not well educated…people will read what you write and laugh, or kindly overlook your grammatical errors while inwardly cringing at every long, run-on sentence!
What you have to say/ your life is simply not interesting enough…useful only for a sleep-aid for those suffering from insomnia.
And then there’s this rule that I read about blogging when I first began…Keep it short…readers prefer short posts and will usually wander away halfway through a long one…This fits nicely with the above statement, by the way.
The problem is…I am not short in stature nor am I short in words…It takes me awhile to make my point…(It’s an introvert thing)…To us introverts, there is no getting from point A to point B directly…We are wired to follow a different route, one which almost always includes a point C and D as well…creating a few little side roads along the way…It can be hard for some extroverts to follow along sometimes!
Which brings me to the next car in this train of thought…I am an introvert…I need my privacy, I shouldn’t write about anything personal!
And the final car in this train of thought…the caboose that pushes the whole thing forward…
Guilt….You could be doing so many more productive things with your time…Instead of sitting on your rear-end tapping away at a keyboard for hours!
Now that I have listed most of the excuses for not writing…I feel led to address them all one by one…So here goes an attempt to do just that…

1. Chemo-brain (foggy thinking and short-term memory loss)…
Just like when we  have to physically travel through fog…We must remember to do so slowly and carefully gauging the distance and direction that we are moving in…Taking it slow requires more patience, and moving ahead requires a dimmer light that focuses on a few feet of the road immediately ahead of us…The operative word here is ‘focus’. Shining a bright light far into the distance only results in a reflective wall of light obstructing the road ahead…Take it one day at a time. Keeping your eye on one goal: A distant light or marker to aim for…The Word of God is referred to as a lantern unto my feet, and Jesus is often compared to a lighthouse.
So, it will take patience and daily guidance from the Word of God to travel through the fog inside my brain. But the light from the Lighthouse will never grow dark, and the lantern will illuminate the path upon which my feet are set.
2. Lack of education…Well, this should be short…With today’s technology, we have many tools available to those of us who are grammatically or intellectually challenged, Thanks to the internet we can learn more about any given subject…the internet and auto-correct are our friends! (If used with care)…LOL!
3. I’m too boring…Well, although this is true, I have personally found that I really enjoy reading about simple everyday people myself…I relate better to them because most of us do not live very exciting or adventurous lives…besides, there are plenty of books and articles available to read already that feature stimulating story lines and characters whether fictional or not. I also believe that our lives in whatever state or stage we exist in, are to be celebrated and honored… and chronicling our time spent here on planet earth is a noble way to do this…and I am not alone in this belief…just look at how many blogs there are!
4. Keep it short…. I woke up hearing the word ‘Write’…not ‘Edit’. Ultimately I need to simply write even if just for myself…My goal is not to get published or recognized for writing…It is going to be therapy for me…and if it entertains or touches someone along the way, then that is just a bonus…I can always use the ‘page break’ feature on my posts in order to give the reader the choice whether or not to read more.
5. I’m an introvert who needs her privacy…What I choose to write about and publish on here will always remain God-honoring, and respectful of my family and friends as well as myself…We all have a boundary line, and I will remain prayerfully aware of mine. If what I write crosses someone else’s boundary, I’ll trust that they understand that they are ultimately responsible for what they choose to read about here or anywhere…We cannot possibly know each person’s individual sensitivities. Real life is not always pretty, and I intend to write about real life as I experience it.
6. Guilt…Well, if there’s one thing that will keep me from pursuing something it is the fear of wasting precious time…But, if there’s one thing I have learned in recent months it is…Yes, life is short, and time limited…but being true to God and to yourself, is one thing that you will not look back on and regret when you are on your deathbed…Of course things need to get done, and they will…I hope that someday my children and grandchildren may wish to read what I have written on here a long time ago, but I am certain they will not remember whether or not the dishes got done by 10:am Thursday morning May 15th, 2014!
So much for letting all these excuses stop me from following a new direction in writing…This has been something I’ve wanted to do for a long long time, but always allowed the excuses to get in the way.
If you are observant, you will notice that the date I published this, and the date I wrote all but this part of it, are different…That is because I had decided to give in to some of those excuses listed above after all, and then by pure chance I read a random comment left by one of my dearest blogging friends…and at the risk of being a bit of a narcissist…I am copying what she wrote here, because I believe that God uses people to help get his point across to us, especially when we decide not to listen to him the first time he speaks even directly to us…Here is what she wrote:

DelisaApril 10, 2014 at 10:46 PM
Hi Lisa, I hope you are having a restful evening! Thank you for your comment tonight on my blog. When I was originally writing the post, I was struggling to find just the right words and I felt like I wasn't getting it quite right.
What you said about "not having a point of reference" and the "feeling of being thrown into the deep end not knowing that you knew how to swim", were just perfect. Your comments are always an encouragement, and a big help to me. You have a way sometimes of playing back my words as how you understand them or interpret them to be and that is so helpful from a writer's point of view. It is important to me as I work on this book project that I am to be understood. In your writing you have a beautiful way of crystalizing points and using few words to get to the heart of a matter. I so admire writers who have a natural ability to do that. I also love the new background picture on your blog. Sleep well and pleasant dreams! With Love, Delisa :)

This encouraging comment from one writer to another, was just the push that I needed to start hitting the keyboard once again…despite the fact that with chemo induced peripheral neuropathy, I am having trouble hitting all the correct keys…hey, who rearranged them anyway? (LOL!)

Delisa’s  comments are always encouraging…Isn’t that what we are supposed to do for one another…as it is written:
Proverbs 27:17 Contemporary English Version (CEV)
 Just as iron sharpens iron,
friends sharpen the minds
of each other.

~I especially liked that translation of the scripture…since my foggy mind can certainly use a little sharpening these days…Thanks to Delisa and my other blog friends, and Thanks to the Lord for making our paths meet here in blog-land…and of course thanks to those of you whom know me face to face… with your encouragement throughout the years.

I have been writing here and there, and will try to publish what I have written…but, be forewarned it is not all pink ribbons and sunshine…real life, with or without breast cancer seldom is….But, no matter what any of us are going through today, it is not all for nothing, as we have this encouragement from the Word of God:

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.  The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.
(Psalm 119:71-74)

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are…


Denise said...

WOW-You sound just like Me :)

Denise said...

Write on sweet sis, and right on. love you, always.

mari said...

Write what the Holy Spirit shows you, guides you to write. Forget anything else but follow the prompting. You have just walked through a very painful valley. The thorns were hard and cut deep into your skin. Share this experience. The wounds are healing and it is during this special time, where His Love, His Strength will shine through you.

I always leave your place filled to the brim.


child of God said...

Hi Lisa,
Even with all these excuses I think you do an amazing job writing and sharing. If Father tells you to write then that is just what you should do. He will supply all you need, just keep your focus on Jesus and the guilt and such will fall away.

I guess one thing I don't have as an introvert is a lot of words. I am of very few words and can be very direct and to the point. n amongst all the things we have in common this, I guess, is something that you and I differ in. :)

Blessings hon, looking forward to reading what you have to write. :))

Deanna said...

I really get bogged down about not having an education. Not sure how an education can even define a person, at least not a person' s character nor depth of witness of Jesus and the glory of God and His grace. The education thing really gets me. Hoping you feel just right because you followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit, Jesus who is referred to as "teacher" in the Holy Scriptures. Isn't that neat!?!
Blessings & Love, Deanna

Sharon said...

Write, my dear friend, write. Your words have tremendous worth, and I know that I am always blessed when I visit here. It's funny (not ha ha) the way the enemy fills our minds with so many reasons to keep silent. Is he afraid of what we might say?! I laughed a bit at the irony - because I published something today that is a very long post, and the devil has been filling me with doubts about it for days.

My advice? Don't listen to anything or anyone besides the still, small voice. I know you do, and that's why your words are always so eloquent and encouraging.


Sandi said...

Never forsaken. Great name!

This was a good read. Write. Write. Write. No excuses! You are just as good a writer as anyone else and, besides, who is more qualified to tell your story?

Keep going. :)

Betty Draper said...

Ok, were you in my bedroom last night listening to my thoughts as I struggled with chronic pain that leave me sleepless. In sleeplessness worry tries to setting into my mind and take me into that pit I have been in before. I heard the same words, write, so I got up, still letting worry over my Mom drive my finger as I type. After checking about half dozen times for errors, I never catch them all, I finally hit the post button. Awe...maybe now sleep will come, it did after I sit and read for an hour with a cup of tear, it was 4:30 am when I finally went to sleep. Up at 7:30, can't seem to sleep late anymore, think it is age related. Oh well, with a house full of people, son, daughter in law, two grandchildren in our two bedroom apartment because of a water leak in theirs my day took off full force. Maybe I will sleep tonight. I know your battle my sister, know it well, heard the same voices in my head...but we kick them out this time and God will give strength when we need it the next time. Great post, I understood every word, found no errors, not bad for a foggy mind, actually it's very good. Blessings

Never Forsaken said...

I guess we all have the same self doubts...But it is important to write about our lives.
Who else can tell our story?

Never Forsaken said...

Right on!
Thanks, you too!

Never Forsaken said...

I should share my experience...that is what the Lord wanted me to do at the beginning of it...To know that we are not alone in that valley, that Jesus walks beside us, makes it less scary when someone else must walk through it.
I am so glad you find something helpful on here, Mari!

Never Forsaken said...

I like how you said that the guilt will fall true!
I have a friend who, when we talk on the phone...our conversations are always God-centered...and last for a while, yet we both always manage to get done what needs done that day...we have discussed how miraculous that seems to be.
I don't talk to many people...and most of the time I use few words...until I try to write them down...then I usually get a flood of words and need to edit a lot!
Blessings to you too, Sweetie!

Never Forsaken said...

You are so right, Deanna...An education is something everyone gets to some degree...It comes with living life...and Jesus is our Teacher... Amen to that!
Blessings and love to you~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

Excellent point, Sharon...The enemy wants us to keep silent because he fears what we will say about Jesus...even in our darkest moments...we praise Jesus and tell the world how he made us overcome all the stuff the enemy throws our way.
I will take your advice, my friend.
Blessings and love~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

Hi Sandy...Glad you like the user name...I got to witness to a young bank teller one time when I explained to him my email address (which is similar to the username).
You couldn't be more right about that when you asked "who else is more qualified to tell your story?"
Thanks for the encouragement to keep going...I will.
Blessings and love~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

Hi Betty...It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now!
I think the enemy uses the same tactics to de-rail us all...If it works, he continues to use it!
I will have to remember what you said about kicking the voices out of my head and allowing God to give us strength when we need it the next time...very wise counsel...Thank you.
Blessings and love~ Lisa

Susie Swanson said...

Awe, this is such a great and inspiring post. I needed it also for I have been booged down lately. You always know exactly what to write so write away. As for Delisa, she's such a sweet friend and has so much encouragement and inspiration in her. You and her make my day when I visit Lots of prayer, Blessings and Love to you sweet friend.

Ken said...

Hi Lisa, oh this so applies to me and my life. All the things I did not do for fear of failing. I think you do an excellent job with writting, so write!

Never Forsaken said...

Thanks, Ken...I didn't realize so many of us are struggling with this issue...You are a good writer too...I appreciate how different everyone writes, it makes it interesting! ~God bless~ Lisa

Never Forsaken said...

You are such an inspiration as well, dear friend...Writing is a good release. Keeping things bottled up is not very healthy.
Yes, Delisa sure is!
~Blessings and love~ Lisa

Brenda said...

Hi Lisa,
I believe absolutely that we should write openly about the things we feel like writing about, I believe that is what a 'testimony' is - an open explanation of how we feel. To me, writing is the same as 'speaking', and when those we are speaking to and communicating with are not physically with us, then that communication is simply called 'writing'. I remember once a publisher wanted to publish some of my writings but they wanted to edit them. I said 'no' as what would have been published would not have been whole heartedly what I was feeling. I love the diversity of people and believe that there is always a comfort that someone can draw from another persons experience, and I always believe that sharing truthfully how we feel also helps us to deal with our situations. May God bless you with complete healing in your trial, and comfort you as only He can during the process.

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