Those of you who know me know that I struggle with anxiety. Even writing this post here today is difficult since I intend to be a bit more transparent today than I am normally. So here goes...
I woke up today, drank my coffee, showered, and fully intended to do what I do most days...stay home, do some housework, take care of the dogs and check on my blog friends. The Lord had other plans for me.
While getting dressed I kept getting little nudges like "Don't put on your slippers..wear real shoes today." and then, to my dismay I found myself packing a day bag with a light lunch and some water, and then I unplugged the laptop and got ready to embark on my
Now, most people might read this and think: "So what, what's the big deal?"
The big deal is that this is the first time I have ventured out of the safety of my home without my husband, my safe person...other than to do a quick errand, or for a doctor's appointment in almost a year. And just like the afore mentioned outings alone, Today I had to deal with the same physical symptoms that accompany the onset of a full blown anxiety attack: nausea, rapid heartbeat, stomach & intestinal cramping, shaking...the same way you feel when you are afraid!
At one point while I was getting ready this morning, I told myself to pretend that I was going to a meeting (like when I was working), and pretend that I am expected to give a public speach or report like I used to, and then once I fully invisioned that, I then reminded myself that I was not speaking publicly, or even standing in front of an audience of people, but that I was only going into the public library to sit amongst the other people, being no different than they...this helped.
Our Father, which art in heaven,
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,