I was feeling quite low the past couple of days. The usual things that I know to do in order to pull myself from the darkness of depression just simply were not working. I hiked; I stayed active and productive. I blogged, and commented on other people’s blogs.
I got to the point where I felt nothing. I even questioned my faith. It seemed as though the words I was writing, though they sounded good enough, were empty. I tried to read scripture, and my eyes would skim over it as if reading some obscure technical manual…above my head.
I continued to pray, but I felt nothing still. My logical brain told my emotional brain that this will soon pass. After attempting (once again) to write everything out last night…I finally put some words down.
Then I gave myself permission to really sleep in this morning. Again, it was the logical side of my brain speaking. So I did, I slept in quite late.
As soon as I awoke, I prayed that the Lord would guide me through this day, and that He would somehow help me to make the most of it.
My husband and I live a reclusive lifestyle here in the forest
We are not looking for an escape from people, yet I sometimes deal with feelings of guilt about not being more social. Since both my husband and I are very introverted this lifestyle appeals to us, and we find it very difficult to function any other way…it feels unnatural to do so. So I have learned to allow the guilt to be replaced with acceptance instead, but every once in awhile the guilt resurfaces.
I am called to serve where I am and with what I have, in such a way as God created me for.
So here I am in a cottage in the forest where I have undressed all the windows in order to see God’s awesome creation. Throwing open a window, I can hear the birds as they eat from the feeders, and much like *St. Francis of Assisi would do, I can tell them of a Creator who loves His Creation, especially those whom He made in His own image. Then I will write this out for you to read, as I am hoping you will find encouragement somewhere in this message…
I am rejoicing in the fact that I have a message to carry; a message of hope and joy and peace to all who have a heart that seeks to know the One who made them, the Creator of us all, the Creator of everything good.
(Genesis 1: 27, 28,31)
So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”…
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
It is the mission of the devil to deceive you into thinking you are something bad (sin is bad, but you are not your sin, if you confess your sins and accept that Jesus died in order for you to be cleansed from your sins, then you become His righteousness, and sin has no more hold on you!) You were made to praise your Creator and in doing so, He gives you joy, and you are a joy to Him as well…the apple of His eye!
In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye..Deuteronomy 32:10
Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, Psalm 17:8
So in conclusion,
I know that I will occasionally fall back into that dark hole of depression from time to time, but I also know that the Lord will always deliver me from it and lead me to higher ground. And from there I will preach the gospel of a Savior who loves us enough to not leave us in the dark, and a Heavenly Father who thinks we are pretty awesome!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. Psalm 18:33
*For more on St. Francis of Assisi:
And remember, we are…