In These Uncertain Times

In December of 2013 my life changed.

I was diagnosed with stage 2 aggressive (grade 3) breast cancer.
Upon hearing the word "cancer" and then reading the word "carcinoma" on the sheet of paper they gave me afterward, my body went completely numb and my mind operated on a kind of auto-pilot until we got home.
The next thing were these two thoughts which seemed to play in a loop over and over beginning with both of us asking out loud:"Could this be actually happening?" followed by the realization: "This is actually really happening!"
That is when it feels as if the wind is knocked right out of your lungs!
For the first time in my life I was faced with the very real possibility that I might die.. At age 48 or sometime soon afterward..even though it was only a stage 2 diagnosis at that time.
Less than 4 years later I would be re-diagnosed only that time it was stage 4..no cure.

Let me start with where I was mentally at the time of that diagnosis...

Four months prior I was declared cancer free..and even the word "cured" was used..I had beat this deadly aggressive cancer!
Finally, I started to talk about plans for the future.. and for the first time in nearly four years I started to feel like I was truly living in the land of the living and not walking through the valley of the shadow of death! I could breathe..really breathe. So I went back to living without fear of dying again. I even started to worry more about stupid little things again, things like needing to de-clutter the house, and rearrange stuff to change my environment..I got into watching and reading fictional stories and getting caught up in drama that way. Despite the daily reminders of my battle such as the physical scars left from surgeries etc..I felt normal again.

When the second diagnosis came it was called "Metastatic Breast Cancer" caused by a genetic mutation and that was as serious as it could possibly get..prognosis was very dire now..Not years, but only months to live..Well, I was sucked down into a whirlwind of emotion and fear was the biggest specter in the darkness there.. The valley of shadows seemed ready to devour me at every moment..I could not talk to friends and family this time because unlike the first time, I could not give them hope that we will beat it..because there was no cure. Instead I wrote a letter to my best friend saying good-bye. I went through family photos and put some in order to give to my children and I gave all my valuable jewelry to my children and grandchildren.
 My faith was strong though..I was preparing to meet Jesus face to face very soon.
That was late in 2017..nearly three years now. I have survived past the time that is expected for MBC patients even without genetic mutation (which I miraculously have no mutation now)..and I am declared to have "No evidence of disease". But this time, I am not returning to a state of normalcy like before.
This time around I am working through each day learning to adapt to a new normal..My faith has become stronger because of this.
Life does go on at least for some of us..but I am clearly aware that there are many who have fallen from this disease since my diagnosis..Jeff and I have attended more than one funeral of friends just this past year alone..and there have been funerals we were unable to attend as well.
 I am writing this post today because our entire world has been thrown into this same whirlwind..I have been inside that thing more than once and I know how to navigate through it.
 This COVID-19 pandemic is a bigger bully than even cancer in my opinion..but like cancer it is not as powerful as our faith in God, nor is it more powerful than our ability to love and care for one another..to learn and appreciate what is most valuable in our short lives that we are given here upon this earth.
Many have gone to meet their Maker in just these last couple of months..and many more are headed there now as I write this.
The only way I was able to survive the darkness of that whirlwind, and walk through that valley of the shadow of death (I am still walking)..is to carry the lamp that I have been given. It is the Words of our Creator..it is fueled by my faith. I have to replace this fuel on a daily basis.

Here I will give you some fuel for your lamp today:

 Now that I have helped to equip you for this journey that we are all on today..let me give you just a small piece of advice here...Do not focus on the darkness and drop your lamp along the way..remember that you are NOT ALONE. Yes, you will stumble..maybe even fall down and scrape your knees..stay there a moment and ask God for help (AKA~ PRAY)..He will never run ahead of you forgetting you are following him..He is the GOOD SHEPHERD..and a good shepherd never takes his eyes off his sheep. But sometimes we are required to ask for what we need:

"In these uncertain times"..(This is what I keep hearing people saying)..Well, we as human beings have never had absolute certainty when it comes to what our future here on earth holds.
At a time such as this these words from an old country song are so very true and comforting to remember...

"I don’t know about tomorrow.I just live from day to day.
 I don’t borrow from its sunshine,For its skies may turn to gray.
 I don’t worry o’er the future, For I know what Jesus said.
 And today he walks beside me, For he knows what is ahead.
 Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand.
 But I know who holds tomorrow. 
And I know who holds my hand."

Written by: Ira F. Stanphill
Lyrics © CAPITOL CHRISTIAN MUSIC GROUP, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.

~Blessings & Love~
and always remember...We are
~NEVER FORSAKEN~