Thanks for praying!

Thanks everyone for praying for Naomi, she is at home and resting now.

As for me, I return to the surgeon's office on Monday for a check up. I am still supposed to start chemo on Friday the 24th, but I have not received my schedule yet. The office was supposed to call this week.
I still need to have a port put in before I can have the infusions.

I have been having more pain around the surgical site as the nerves are coming back to life! I have heard it could go on for at least a year or more.
There is also phantom pain because the nerves do not know yet that that part of my body is gone...They remember the route, and act like it's still the same...Weird!

I had a hard day emotionally today and asked God to send an angel with a message of hope.
When Jeff came home from work we went to get something for dinner, and we saw the most amazing sunset ever! I wish I had my camera...Though I knew that a picture would not have done it justice...and then I realized...That sunset was my message! So I just drank it all in, smiled and silently thanked the Lord for the beautiful sight that was spread out before my eyes.

The heavens do declare His glory...And so do I!

~In His grace~

GOOD NEWS!

We met with the oncologist today. He said my cancer is not a bad case at all, in fact the chemo regimen I will be on is milder than many breast cancer regimens...no radiation or hormone therapy is needed...and no cancer spread!
I will need 6 treatments of chemo...one every 3 weeks for 18 weeks (4.5 months) and one year of an immune therapy drug (Herceptin).
This is less than the standard of 6 months of chemo!
Doc said that my chance for this cancer coming back is less than 5%...If I did no chemo it would be 20-30%.

He told me not to worry, his patients usually only complain about fatigue, and that the other side effects are controlled by meds given before treatments.

He also looked me straight in the eye and said that we will cure this, and that I did not do anything to cause the cancer.
He's a very warm and compassionate person whom Jeff and I both liked right away. He's been doing this for over 30 years.
His wife is a breast cancer survivor too!

Thanks for your prayers, my dear friends...


  God is so good! I am feeling so much better since this good report!

~ Blessings & Love ~
and remember, we are...
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Me, (the Clay) & ‘Rooms’

I still have my hair…I am just practicing how to wear a head covering in preparation for the hair loss that will likely result from the upcoming chemo treatments.
We have also stocked up on a virtual arsenal of products that should help to counter or at least ease some of the possible side effects of chemo. I am overwhelmed by the amount of helpful websites and videos made by cancer patients who are generous enough to share their personal experiences, and share some tips and tricks of the trade , so to speak, on how they managed whatever side effects came up for them…Everyone is different regardless whether or not they are receiving the exact same chemo drugs. In fact…you can talk to 100 different people, and you’ll get 100 different stories!
The breastcancer.org website has even compiled a nice shopping list consisting of many products that have been tried and true by literally thousands of patients.
It is unfortunate that this disease is so common, yet it means that there are many resources available as there is also lots of information and treatment options as well.
I believe that by trying to look my best during the process, I can pull some good from a difficult situation. I hope this will help me keep up my moral so that I will remain optimistic through this next few months.

The first photo is me wearing my wig. The second one is my real hair.                                       

Wednesday, January 08, 2014
I have described this cancer journey as if I am entering into a series of rooms..
When we first met with the surgeon to discuss the next step in surgery, he asked me if I was sure about my decisions. I told him I cannot walk back through that door and change things. That the only choice was to continue moving forward.
It is scary when you enter into a new room in your life. It’s scarier yet when you hear the door close behind you. Knowing it will not open again.
It helps to visualize that God has already gone before you into that room. He has stocked it full of whatever supplies you will need while in there…And once you are ready; you will find another door that opens for you. And another room awaiting.
Psalm 139 tells us that God has written out each day of our lives before we have even lived one of them.
Also, that same Psalm says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made! Praise our Wonderful Creator for making us thus…and last, but not least:
In Romans 9:20 Our Creator asks:
Who are you, the clay, to question me, THE POTTER!
I think we are all being formed and re-shaped each day. Whether it is physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally…or a combination of these…maybe even all of the above.
Obviously I am being re-shaped and molded quite literally in the physical sense these days; but there is also quite a change going on in every other way as well!

Google image

This remolding is not always comfortable. It requires the hardened (set in stone) parts of us to be broken first.
I have to believe that I will end up better than I was to begin with.
The road may be long…But the journey will not be walked in darkness…

Thy Word is a lamp onto my feet, and a light onto my path. Ps.119:105

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are...
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Your comments make my day!

I tried to reply to your comments today, but it disappeared into cyber space somewhere!

So I will just (try) to put it here.
Your comments are all read by me, and they are so very appreciated as are your prayers.

This journey is sometimes a roller coaster ride, and sometimes I find myself sitting idle waiting for the engine to start up again...Don't know which is harder.
Right now, it is waiting for the oncologist appointment, which will be followed by more tests and scans before treatments begin.
Please continue to pray as I undergo these and especially for good results!
So far all bad news is coupled with something good like: The cancer is poorly differentiated (bad)...But, that means it will respond better to the treatments than normal cancer cells.
Of course, my underlying question will always remain...What caused this in the first place. This is key since after treatment it will be imperative that it does not come back!

I remain held within the Father's hand...like a wounded bird, heart racing as he gently touches the wounds as they heal...My spirit calms.

I don't believe God led me through this so far with the intention for anything but a complete and total healing...even now as I write this, I believe it is gone.
Praising the Lord for this and more!

Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
(Is. 53:4-5)

Again, I thank you, my dear friends for your comments in the last post...They made me smile and sometimes laugh....
Alex: It's good to know there is a fellow "Monkey-Foot" out there...I don't think I would like to have a tail though!

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are...
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

G-R-A-C-E

Getting Rest And Care Everyday…

1 Corinthians 1:4-8

⁴ I thank my God always concerning you for the grace of God which was given you in Christ Jesus, ⁵ that in everything you were enriched in Him, in all speech and all knowledge, ⁶ even as the testimony concerning Christ was confirmed in you, ⁷ so that you are not lacking in any gift, awaiting eagerly the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ, ⁸ who will also confirm you to the end, blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Last year the blogging community received a very special New Years gift from God by receiving a special word for the year…Does anyone remember this?
My word last year was ‘joy’. That word manifested itself in many ways throughout the year, confirming God’s plan and will for my life at the time.
This year, I wondered whether or not I would get another word for the year, or was it only a one time thing. I thought about the word ‘joy’,  and even considered what other word or words would compliment that word…I even expected a word like ‘strength’ to be the one for this year…especially since the scripture “The joy of the Lord is my strength” kept coming to mind especially as of late!
So…Is my word for 2014 ‘strength’?
Although strength is what I will need a lot of, and strength will be given just as Jesus promises: “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
The word for me this year is GRACE!
Why grace?
Have you ever went into a panic because you realize that you forgot to pay an important bill, and perhaps there will be not only a late fee applied, but also the interest will go up really high…like most credit cards will do? And then you call them and find out that you have a grace period in order to get the bill paid without penalty…Well, this year I have been given a grace period so to speak in order to get my body back into a healthy state again. And although it will take the Lord’s strength in order to do this, I am being told by my awesome Creator and loving, but fierce Father that I must learn how to quit depending upon my own puny strength and trust in His strong arms to hold me steady and carry me through this…my year of grace.
This grace has already played out quite a bit this past week…Can you believe it has been a whole week since surgery? I am in awe of how God has made our bodies to be able to withstand so much and to heal so quickly!

I am almost pain free…I only take some Advil throughout the day…(not to exceed the safe dosage). For me this is big because I have always hated narcotics…although they certainly do have their place in medicine, and after surgery they were helpful for a couple days…But, again I am so happy to no longer need them!…(Honestly, I don’t understand why so many people want to break the law in order to have those things!) I am not referring to those whom actually need the relief from severe pain that they can only get from a drug like that.

To update my last post, the lymph node that was questionable did turn out to have a very small lesion on it…so small that my surgeon and oncologist both agree that no further surgery to remove more nodes is necessary…That is a good report.
Now, we will let the chemo do it’s job to make sure that if there are any undetected cancer cells anywhere in my body, they will be killed off quickly and permanently. The cancer was also HER2+…meaning the cells produced too much of a certain protein making them grow faster than normal cancer cells…so there will be a targeted therapy delivered specifically to block that protein. This therapy is relatively new, and being called a miracle cure for breast cancer! It used to be a very bad report if your pathology showed the HER2+…but now it means we know exactly what makes the thing tick, and how to stop it.
I bought a wig. I am doing as much research and preparation as possible for this next leg of the journey. Please pray that side effects will be few and tolerable…at least.
My spirit feels strong…my body is healing, and I have fallen in love with my dear husband all over again! I call him my angel knight in shining armor! It is amazing how much we are both gleaning from this experience already! God is so present here with us, and so many friends and coworkers are calling or visiting in order to tell us how much they are talking to God about this…And here’s a couple of funny/neat things we’ve learned so far:
My husband is a good cook! My girls and I always had a sneaking suspicion that he could cook…and now, after thirty years of marriage…The cat is out of the bag, so to speak!
I have always been teased about my “monkey feet”..But, boy did that ever come in handy when, after my husband helped with with a bath, I was able to pull open a low drawer in the bathroom vanity, and retrieve something (small) from it using my toes…We both laughed so hard I thought I would pop my stitches!
Who would have ever predicted that my husband would ever have a conversation with the secretaries at work about wigs. One of the ladies in the office has a mother who is involved with the local cancer center and is making the preparation for a consultation for a wig. Even though I already went to the same salon and was fitted  for one that I already purchased, I can get another one…which I will need especially for the summer months. I have also been practicing how to tie scarves for head coverings…I never knew there were so many different and lovely ways to tie a head covering!
I have even been learning about things like using make up to brighten the skin and even draw on 3D eyebrows…Now is a good time to exercise my artistic creativity. My girls all made me promise that I would not allow their father to draw on my eyebrows…(they remember a certain childhood haircut that they all received from him once long ago.)
So this is the start along a narrow and bumpy path on a street named ‘GRACE’. But I have a wonderful traveling companion, and a guide who is buckling me safely into the seat that He has prepared for me upon this chariot of fire!
I will try to remember not to dwell upon the bumps in the road too much…but to anticipate the destination to the next phase of God’s will for my life here on planet earth…you are all welcomed to follow along with me…God will probably use this to teach us some new things about our faith, and His glory and grace…especially His grace.

~BLESSINGS & LOVE~
& remember, we are...
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Home & doing well!

I am home, very comfortable...Everything went smoothly.
3 lymph nodes were clear, one was questionable, but pathologist said he didn't think it was anything to worry about.
Thanks for your prayers...And praise God for His faithfulness!

Blessings & love,
and remember, we are...

~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Gifts of silver and gold

Things are moving along quite quickly now, I am trying not to get too overwhelmed with all the little details.
The kids will be coming up Christmas night...Please pray for their safe journey.
You would think that I would be getting really nervous right  about now, but
the closer we get to Thursday, the more anxious I am to get it over with so that I can return home and begin the recovery process!
I should be kept in the hospital overnight, and return home Friday.
I hope to be able to type (legibly) soon after, so that I can post on here soon.
I am looking forward to time with family this week, so I probably will not be back on here until after surgery, so I would like to wish you all a very Blessed Christmas & a Happy New Year now!
And when I look under the Christmas tree this year, I see a big beautiful gift wrapped in silver...It has my name written on it, and it is the gift of LIFE!
Thank you my Father for this gift this Christmas...And thank you for the gift of Jesus given to us on that very first Christmas day! That is the gift I see wrapped up in Gold...The gift of ETERNAL LIFE!



Blessings & Love,
& remember, we are...
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Surgery Next Week!

Just got home from the appointment with my surgeon.



I have the most common form of breast cancer, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.



I had chest x-rays and blood work done today.



This type is aggressive so we are being aggressive!



I will be undergoing a double Mastectomy on December 26th.



Pray that it has not spread to the lymph nodes...It has already began to invade breast tissue.



I told the surgeon that his job is to get it the H#LL out of me, and I will do the rest!



I will need chemotherapy...but probably not radiation...Standard is 6 months of Chemo.



Just when I finally got a hair-cut that I really like!



My surgeon answered all of our questions, and even offered to go along with us if we wanted to get a second opinion.



Thank you so much for your prayers…There is power in prayer.



Thanks to Brenda for leading me to this scripture:



The joy of the Lord is my strength…It got me through so far when I put it together with…In His presence is fullness of joy…the joy of the Lord is my strength…Jesus said: My strength is made perfect in weakness!

And thanks to my dear friend Deb who prayed with me over the phone this morning…God does not do anything part way…He does a perfect job every time.



Blessings & Love,

And remember, we are…

~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Praying for calmness

Oh how I hate to burden people with this especially at this time of year...And to worry my family so, is the hardest thing to deal with right now...My daughter is making wedding plans, and Christmas is just around the corner.

I really wasn't going to say anything...But the power of prayer and faith is needed when it is needed!

So, here goes...

The ultrasound found something suspicious…irregular borders on the lump…The surgeon may or may not do a biopsy tomorrow.
I hope they get it over with and not make me wait more than necessary…I have been waiting for 6 months already…(waiting for it to disappear…waiting for God to just take it away.)
Since that did not happen, I am trusting God with this still. Although I have questioned Him about what He is doing with my life just now…What am I supposed to be doing?
Weird thing is, even if it is serious…I feel a strange peace about this…I know that this human body is not perfect, that it can wear out, get old…change.
I feel like I am back in the Potters hand…not a bad place to be…but not so comfortable either.
I see a crossroad and I am standing idol until I know which direction I will need to go…I do not know the direction, but I do know the WAY…He walks with me…and he talks with me the whole time.
Even if it turns out to be nothing serious…after two scares in two years…I will stand and wait for direction still…Making some lifestyle changes in order to better care for this body that I thank the Lord for every day.
I did awake this morning in a panic…I am seeking the Lord today.
I deal with anxiety almost every day. (under normal conditions) I know that I can handle anything as long as the Lord equips me with His peace…But sometimes that shield falls for a moment or for an hour…And fear grips me.
I am praying for my fellow prayer warriors to help me hold that shield up now…Just like when Moses needed help to withstand in Exodus 17…

10Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought against Amalek; and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 11So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed. 12But Moses' hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set.…

The nice receptionist called from the surgeon’s office today and actually told me that I could bring a teddy bear or anything with me tomorrow for comfort…I am bringing Jesus and my teddy bear of a husband!

JOHN 14:25, 26: "All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Comforter, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."
JOHN 15:26: "When the Comforter comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me.

And one of the things that the Holy Spirit will remind me about is this:


~Blessings & Love~
And remember, we are…
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

December Sky

As I sit on the floor of my bedroom I glance out the window. The clouds are heavy and they try  to veil the sun.
In the stillness below it is hard to tell if the clouds are moving, but when I look up higher, above the tall trees…I can see them slightly swaying as the clouds move ever so slowly.

The sun is always shining.
Although it seems like nothing is happening down here below…The wind is actively moving high above the trees..invisible yet evident in it’s effects on them and on the clouds above them…We have only to look up…Look higher up.
When you ask God where He is, or what He is doing because it doesn’t seem like He is very active in your mortal life down here below right now, perhaps you are required to look higher up…Look above your circumstances here on earth, and seek Him more in the place where your treasures are stored…He is active there on your behalf…sending His angels to and fro to carry your prayers and administer to your needs…He catches your tears in His bottle, and prepares a place for you …there…Higher above the trees and the clouds where the Son is always shining.

Psalm 56:8 (KJV) put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

~Blessings & Love~
and remember, we are…
~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Infestation!

This is the Nativity set that we have displayed in our home for many years. I know many Christians proudly, yet with great reverence display a Nativity set in their homes during this special season of Christmas as well. 

We do this in hopes of  helping to bring the minds and hearts of all who see it back to the real reason for this season...Jesus our Savior, the best gift God has ever given to mankind.

So when I recount what happened with this particular Nativity set over the weekend...You might understand my reaction to it.

Last summer we had an infestation of carpenter ants in the loft of our garage. Jeff sprayed some ant killer up there and it seemed as if it had worked its magic...no signs of the ants.

So, we dragged down the plastic totes containing our Christmas decorations this past weekend only to discover that the tote containing the  Nativity set which was packed carefully in its own little box and placed on the bottom of the tote had been infested with carpenter ants inside of it...because there was a crack in the handle area of the tote!

What is normally a pleasant experience...decorating for the Holidays, became a tedious chore to clean out all the little dead ant bodies from the wreath and other things. Some of which needed to be discarded...But what was really disturbing is the fact that the only place where the insects where still very much alive was inside that Nativity!  The figurines were covered...All except one...The little manger with the Christ child lying in it...Not one ant dared to crawl upon it... ha-ha!

Because you will not leave my soul in hades, neither will you allow your Holy One to see corruption. Acts 2:27

Okay, so I do know that the figurine is only a representation of the Savior...and not to be worshipped or idolized...But, I could not resist the deeper meaning of this whole scenario...You see, the enemy has been trying to put fear and doubt into my spirit the past couple of weeks...as I am undergoing tests on a suspicious lump or(mass).

So when I first saw the infestation last weekend..it felt like the devil was trying to infest my very spirit with something horrible and sick...  and his latest attempt came yesterday during a point where I was in panic mode and totally stressed from a difficult day out running from one hospital to another in order to get a disk and reports put together etc...When I got home, all I wanted to do was go to bed and shut everything out for a couple hours...But first I had to reschedule an appointment with the surgeon whom my doctor referred me to...They rescheduled the appointment for next Friday (the 13th). The receptionist was relieved when I told her I did not care about the superstition associated with that date. (I know it is God and God alone who controls everything in my life).

So as I lay in bed last evening, my thoughts started to wander into dark places once again, and for a time I entertained them...But Jesus will not be shut out that easily! He is my Shepherd ...and I am one of His sheep that hear His voice...even amidst the growling of the wolf at my door...Now I can only hear Him  telling me to not be afraid...for He is with me always.

The Lord has been telling me in so many ways these past weeks that He is with me...He is the light in the darkness...He will never leave me nor forsake me...just like my user name declares!

Then, this morning there came such a clear and gentle voice telling me to go outside where the Nativity figurines were left and bring them back into the house....and as I wiped the snow away from the little manger I read it's inscription and smiled...

...and they will call him Immanuel”(which means “God with us”). Mathew 1:23


~BLESSINGS & LOVE ~

And remember, we are...

~NEVER FORSAKEN~